9. A/C & Taxol…check!

Hello again all! Thanks for coming back for more BOTB updates n funz (or something like that). I just completed my heavy-hitting chemo infusions and am within a few weeks of surgery (end of February), so I figured it was a good time to blog it up!

Everything with my heart is still about the same- we are monitoring and I am still on blood thinners. I have an echo coming up in early February and a follow-up appointment with my cardiologist, so that will likely tell us more about what might still be going on in there. I also have a liver MRI coming up in order to assess if the (hopefully) benign tumor found on my liver at the beginning of chemo is staying the same, growing, shrinking, or any other changes. I will also have another breast MRI in a few weeks’ time to assess the size of the tumors now (they continue to shrink from the chemo, yay) and determine my final surgical plan. It’s still looking like there may be residual disease at time of surgery, so they’ll likely remove at least a few of my axillary lymph nodes in addition to the bilateral mastectomy. The number they remove will be determined by whether or not the pathology of my “sentinel” lymph node in that area comes back positive or negative for cancer cells on the day of surgery. I am expecting that it will come back positive, but hoping for the best. Ideally the pathology will come back negative and they’ll only have to remove 1 or 2, but more realistically it’ll probably test positive and they’ll do the full “axillary lymph node dissection” which means they’ll remove quite a few more nodes. I will find out just how many when I wake up from surgery. I also have a few surgeon appointments coming up mid-February to talk about final plan and go over all the anesthetic drugs I’ll be on and what to expect post-surgery.

Another procedure I have coming up tomorrow is something called a Savi placement in my sentinel lymph node (the main node that was biopsied and tested positive at the time of my diagnosis). This is essentially a tiny radio transmitter that they place inside the node so that at the time of surgery they can locate it precisely and ensure that they remove the correct node. This is important because since this node was the first one they detected cancer in, they want to absolutely be sure they remove it, even if the chemo has reduced the amount of cancer within it. When they first biopsied this node, they damaged the nerve in that area, so I have had a weird tingly numb area in my armpit and on the back of my left arm for the last 5 months, Recently the nerve has been healing so I have been able to feel areas in that region again, but I expect that when they put the Savi placement in they’ll have to go through the nerve area once again and have I’ll have some more damage. We shall see. It’s a really weird feeling to push on the area where the node is in my armpit and to have the whole back of my shoulder go numb. Not overtly painful, just uncomfortable- especially when stretching or doing yoga.

Side effects from chemo lately have continued to be rough, but not debilitating. I have had continued GI effects, frequent hot flashes from the forced menopause (they’re incredibly annoying), ridiculously dry and itchy skin (rashes have resolved thanks to meds), acid reflux, dry mouth, mild muscle and bone pain, mild neuropathy in fingers and toes, some mild double vision, many bloody noses, and overall fatigue/exhaustion by about 3 pm every day. I have been trying to stave this off by keeping up with walks, yoga, stationary biking, short runs when I can, the occasional circuit workout on a good day…exercise seems to help with the fatigue, but I am still in bed by about 9 every night and need to sleep for about 9-10 hours to feel energized enough to get through the day. I am terrible at napping and gave up on the idea after the first few weeks of chemo, but have been sleeping decently well at night lately due to some THC/CBD gummies that Brandon found for me. The neuropathy isn’t too bad, just a few tips of fingers and toes are numb, and the double vision is from muscle fatigue not allowing the muscles in my eyes to fully focus. This usually only happens in the mornings and evenings (luckily) and is more annoying than inhibiting.

The hot flashes definitely wake me up multiple times a night, but they’re less frequent than they were a few months ago. I generally have about 4-5 per night that I remember in the mornings, and during the day I have them about every 45 minutes. That’s one thing I really wish someone would have told me earlier on when I was first diagnosed- that the early/forced menopause with all of this is half the battle. It’s almost as bad as the breast cancer itself. I am finding that if you look for it, you can find a decent amount of information about early menopause and menopause in general, but overall there is such limited info out there and people don’t like to talk openly about all that comes with it and just how isolating and miserable it can be. The fluctuating hormones and sudden tanking of estrogen due to the chemo causes all sorts of side effects- physical and psychological. It’s a LOT to deal with, and no joke. Meds can help, but without being able to take estrogen, the meds that are provided aren’t all that effective. Exercise, diet, sleep, and other healthy habits can help, too, but not a whole lot (at least in my experience so far). The most frustrating part is that the hot flashes can last for years, so this is something I am just trying to get used to/deal with the best that I can. Since a ton of chemicals are released when hot flashes occur, I get this weird feeling of anxiety every time I have one too. I don’t know if this is attributed to cortisol release or something else, but it’s not a fun addition to the heat. I’ve chatted with a few fellow female breast and ovarian cancer patients about this and everyone seems to agree- the forced menopause and hot flashes are a bigger deal than what we expected, and they definitely affect sleep, overall happiness, and quality of life. So men, if your lady is going through or has gone through menopause, whether it was in her 40’s, 50’s, or way too early due to cancer, PRAISE HER. BEING A WOMAN IS REALLY EFFING HARD.

Today was my last day of Taxol (!!), and after this I will get immunotherapy combined with a less intense form of chemo once every three weeks for about 9-12 months. The ongoing chemo is due to residual disease, and is called Kadcyla. This chemo/immunotherapy combo will help continue to fight the HER-2 positive protein as well as any remaining cancer cells in my lymph nodes or elsewhere. I’ll keep my port in for the duration of these infusions with the hopes to get it out sometime next fall or winter, probably around the time of my reconstructive surgery and hysterectomy. I am really excited to be fully through the A/C and Taxol,,,all 16 infusions and 5.5 months!

Overall I have been dealing fairly well with chemo, and I am grateful that I’ve been able to continue to walk my dogs and feel relatively decent compared to a lot of patients who have it much worse. I definitely have existential crises multiple times a week and a general feeling of sadness, depression, anxiety and fear, but I know this is all a very common part of cancer treatment. I hope it eventually goes away and I get back to feeling happy and positive about most things, but for now I just try to stay busy and occupied and active in order to quell the worst of it. With surgery coming up I have had more and more sadness about the big changes coming my way, but I am also trying to stay hopeful that things will eventually be healed and I will feel like myself in my body again. I think another thing that tends to give me anxiety in all of this is the thought that even though I’ll eventually complete chemo, surgery, and radiation, the effects will be long-lasting. I don’t know that I’ll ever feel like this is “over”…and that makes me sad. I feel like I am starting to process the loss of my old self in a way, which is really really hard. But I will keep trying to do my best to stay as healthy and proactive as possible to mitigate whatever long-term consequences are in my future, and in doing this hopefully my future self will be even better in some ways.

Brandon and I had a fantastic few days off the grid at a tiny cabin in Marble, Colorado over New Years. We were gifted a giant snowstorm for 3 days straight so we snowshoed 9 miles and enjoyed every bit of watching the dogs go crazy bounding through the powder. We played Monopoly, read books, watched moves, ate lots of snacks, had a bonfire inside a teepee, and drank hot chocolate. It was just what the doctor ordered.

I am staying busy with another semester of Spanish for Vets class, remote work, paper writing, planning fun design and renovations for the cabin with Brandon, helping my parents get their place here in FoCo set up, spending time with my sister when she is out here visiting, walkin the ‘hood and nearby trails with the dogs, and looking forward to post-surgery time when my body and immune system starts to heal. Next week I’ll be starting to volunteer in the Vet Services department at the Larimer Humane Society as well which I am really excited about. It’s one thing that will help me feel like I’m transitioning into “real life” again as I start to heal after surgery and move toward being back in school and doing what I love.

This Friday we also have an event called “Bigger Than Basketball” that is a combined effort between CSU and UC Health to honor certain cancer patients during the CSU men’s basketball game. One of the players (Isaiah Rivera #23) will wear my name on his jersey and they’ll do a little halftime special to honor 14 cancer patients from UC Health. I was fortunate to meet those patients as well as the team and coaching staff over Zoom this week and they all seem wonderful. I was asked to do a little interview before the game as well so that should be a lot of fun (and my sister gets to join)! I feel really honored and grateful to have been nominated for this event and it’s definitely been a welcome distraction and something to look forward to! We are excited to be there in person and get to know everyone. Go Rams 🙂

Ok, that’s all I can think of for now. Thanks as always for your continued love and support; I truly couldn’t get through this without it. Sending love and doggie kisses (and happy post-heavy-hitting-chemo vibes) to all of you!